Chianti Conversations

So a couple interesting conversations went down on this day trip that I thought you might be interested in hearing... this is going to be less of a documentation on what I actually did and more about my thoughts in regards to different conversations I had today. Maybe I'll write more travel-y type posts in the future - if you're interested... 

Didn't expect it but I got a little bit of a reality check on my way to Chianti. We stopped at a burial ground and memorial for American soldiers that died in World War II. I've always had a weird internal relationship with war - it (obviously) is an extremely foreign subject to me. I was never super close to anyone who participated in a war, and like most people I was always questioning their purpose. Why is dying and suffering necessary for peace? How is this even equivalent? When I look at these memorials - I wish they weren't there, I wish they didn't have to exist, I wish that my freedom wasn't at the expense of their freedom... 

A friend put nicely the astonishing fact that these soldiers, all averaging in their 20's like us, came to Italy, like me, but with an unimaginably different mindset, different feelings and goals. They came to this country with a completely different destiny. And if they hadn't I don't know if I would have also come here... It was a real hitting perspective. I'm so incredibly thankful for this opportunity. I mean really I have no idea how much more lucky I could be. This life, my path, my opportunities, all of it - there's no words. Makes me kind of wonder "why me?"...

Life altering realizations aside - I got the chance to sit next to some people with really fascinating minds during our wine tasting in Chianti - and so, we had some pretty interesting conversations. 

Mainly we were discussing dreams (and everything that most obviously comes with that like lucid dreaming, sleep paralysis, funny dreams, bad dreams, etc.)- but what I love is how much deeper we got than that. We discussed the subconscious, how insanely powerful our minds can be - both to empower and to seriously turn against ourselves. This especially was interesting to talk about because I have been doing so much research on shadow work - and a lot of that has to do with facing things that we do not want to face. Just everything about how difficult it is to tap into the subconscious, how to stop pushing things out of our mind, how to live with more intention - all of it is just so reassuring to hear and discuss with other people face to face. 

On a more somber note it reminds me of how I wish I had been surrounded by different people at the start of this trip. I really felt like they would have facilitated and helped me experience the type of travel I intended to experience when I got here. I wanted to have a liberating experience, I wanted to do all that typical hippy shit about "throwing caution to the wind" and "having no plan and just trusting the universe." I know I would have gotten this if I had been around different people. On the flip side I was faced with a different form of escapism. Partying, drinking, escaping bodies and minds... I'm making it sound worse than it is - really I didn't participate in any of it but I felt surrounded by it (and extremely uncomfortable at that)- and it was a context in my travels outside of Italy. But to be fair of course it wasn't the whole picture (I had this trip after all where I was able to have these conversations!) and really there's just so much else to mention that I simply cannot in one post. The main point is that I felt at a loss for not getting the chance to go on a trip with these people and to get closer to them.

I know everything was placed in my path for a reason... I'm learning about myself, what I want and don't want... my shadow side especially has come out and I'm getting a grasp on how to evolve with this new knowledge. There will always be twinges of regret - and I think it's okay to react and reflect on those sometimes... in all though, I know that my experiences here - even if they weren't what I wanted - I will not regret at all. 

There's still much more time of course! Don't want to seem like my time is already over - I just like to try and reflect while my thoughts are still fresh :)