We Are Groop

There is a mile wide gap between what i  think i want and what i know i deserve.  I gave you The jacket off my back and The shoes off my feet and The gloves off my hands and The hat off my head and The heart out of my chest and You gave me hope and Attention and Loving words and I only just realized now that I need back my jacket and My shoes and My gloves and My hat because You never gave me The warmth from your heart and I'm over here just Trying to care for you to Forget that I am freezing. 

i hold charcoal like a cigarette, press the ashes on white fiber. the black smoke a shade of addiction, and orange embers a highlight like nicotine. i whisper of dead cells in my brain, raise the graphite to my lips draw in a breath and blend the black to gray i'll reveal my truth, light the cigarette and shadow my youth.

rather than stream my consciousness. i want to poise my words like models with slender flesh and velvet threads finely tucked and buttoned. a vocab that clicks its heels on your tongue. how gracefully vain and yet- see how i buffer? ... i need intention. dont overthink it. swallow that 1080p pill and save the tension.

So a couple interesting conversations went down on this day trip that I thought you might be interested in hearing... this is going to be less of a documentation on what I actually did and more about my thoughts in regards to different conversations I had today. Maybe I'll write more travel-y type posts in the future - if you're interested...  Didn't expect it but I got a little bit of a reality check on my way to Chianti. We stopped at a burial ground and memorial for American soldiers that died in World War II. I've always had a weird internal relationship with war - it (obviously) is an extremely foreign subject to me. I was never super close to anyone who participated in a war, and like most people I was always questioning their purpose. Why is dying and suffering necessary for peace? How is this even equivalent? When I look at these memorials - I wish they weren't there, I wish they didn't have to exist, I wish that my freedom wasn't at the expen

I'm always relearning things when I make art... probably because I haven't fully learned it in the first place.  I know that you aren't supposed to compare your work to other work, and yet I do it anyway.  I know I need to stop having a preconceived notion of how I want a painting or drawing to look and yet I do it anyway.  These are probably the hardest things to learn in the art world...and also the hardest things to learn in life as well. Take preconceived notions for example, a lot of the times there's things I expect out of an experience, things I expect out of my future, my choices, my desires, my day to day life... time and time again the world will yield something different from what I expected - of course it isn't always a bad thing. Just like how I would expect a work of art to turn out one way and maybe see it turn out better than I hoped... or worse than I hoped. The problem is when I waste a lot of energy trying to pin down what I want fr

(forgive me for generalizing, we = our generation) I feel like we are all at the age where we don't know what the fuck we're doing, but we want to do it all.  We make plans one day, then the next they change or disappear.  For the longest time, I viewed this as not ok.   I viewed it as giving up.   The way I was raised, I was taught that once you picked something--you stuck to it until that goal was achieved.  "Mitchell's aren't quitters" they would always say.  I am not a quitter. Just because what I thought was the best path changed as I grew, and my plans changed as my needs and wants evolved, this does not qualify as quitting.   My point in all of this, is being fickle is ok... We're 20.  We don't need to have our lives figured out and know what road we're taking to the end.   Even while driving, I take different routes just to see what happens, even if the destination is one I've visited a thousand times be